It's hard to believe that Kris & I got married a little over 7 months ago, time sure flies when you're having fun! It's great looking back at the years of dating and seeing how far we've traveled together, we've received great advice, and it's helped shape our marriage into one that will last.
While dating, were we very intentional in the way we interacted. We shared our life stories,dreams, and family drama. We set clear boundaries and expectations for one another. Once we got engaged, we knew we had to make sure our relationship was built on a strong foundation of trust, honesty, and communication with each other before we could say our "I Do's".
Now that we have a few months of marriage under our belt, we'd like to share these 7 things we've learned from our 7 months of marriage.
1. Communication (YOU DID WHAT!?)
It was around our sixth month of being married, and I thought it'd be nice to get out of town for the weekend to celebrate. I researched hotels, resort spa packages, fun activities around the area, it was going to be the best weekend ever. I ran the idea past Kris earlier in the week, and we both put it on our calendars. (I thought!)
Friday afternoon rolled around, and I shot Kris a quick reminder text that we had to book our hotel room for that night. He called me saying that not only did he forgot about our trip, but his parents were coming to spend the weekend with us! Surprise! After going back and forth about it, he insisted that we couldn't cancel on his parents, and we agreed to save those weekend plans for another time. Did I mention that I've learned patience from marriage too?
Even though communication seems like a simple, obvious step, we both learned a valuable thing that day. Communication is essential for a relationship! I don't sign him up for volunteer projects at church without asking him first, and he checks in with me before making any plans during the week, since I keep track of our schedule.
2. A Cord of Three Strands
You may have heard about the popular "God Knot" you can purchase for weddings. The basic idea of the knot is to symbolize the importance of Christian companionship, and to illustrate that two Christians who are bound together in Christ are stronger than the individuals themselves.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12
Kris & I don't actually have a "God Knot" keychain or anything, but we've made a commitment to honor God with our marriage & set aside time together to strengthen that knot.
Since we usually don't wake up at the same time each morning, we read together every night before bed. Some books have been better than others, but the point is to make time in our day to open God's word & find a way to apply it in our marriage. Below are some we recommend!
3. The $50 Rule
This "rule" has saved us from having so many fights! Once we got married, we made a general rule that we would check with each other before buying anything over $50. Whether it was a quick text or phone call, we promised to check in and only purchase the item if we both agreed on it. Kris has been awesome with staying accountable with this rule, though he admits that he daily has to fight the urge not to splurge on new expensive tech items!
4. Fight Fair
Kris & I aren't really what you'd call fighters. We're both really low-key, easy going people who for the most part don't fight. Yes we have our disagreements, but once we calmly talk it through, we forgive and move on.
We've been reading the book "The Love Dare" which is a book based on the movie Fireproof. If you haven't seen the movie yet, we highly recommend it! While the book is mainly for couples struggling in their marriage, we've decided to read it before we encounter major problems. The book is broken down into 40 days, and gives the couple a "dare" to do each day. Chapter 13 was on fighting fair, and we liked their rules so much we've adopted it into our own marriage.
Here's their rules/boundaries about fighting:
1. We will NEVER mention Divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a time out if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
8. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. (Proverbs 15:1)
9. I will listen first before speaking. (James 1:19)
10. I will deal with my own issues up-front. (Matthew 7:3)
5. Don't Stuff the Hard Stuff
I first heard this phrase in our Marriage Prep class that we took at our church. They explained how dangerous it can be to a marriage when you "stuff" your feelings away and hide how you're really feeling in a situation. This definitely has really been the hardest area for me to learn. Growing up, my family didn't share their feelings with each other, or express their emotions at all. I grew up feeling like emotion was supposed to be hidden, and if I just stuffed the hard stuff, it'd go away.
Come to find out that stuffing your feelings away is only a temporary fix, and sooner or later they'll come to the surface. Kris on the other hand, comes from a family that is very emotional, and open. He's helped remind me that along with communication, explaining, and being open about your feelings is key to a successful marriage.
6. Money, Honey!
Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll agree on the fact that math/numbers aren't my strong-suit. I actually cringe at the thought of doing a math problem, and it's simply a miracle that I passed college algebra! Thankfully, I married a guy who's not only good at math, but enjoys it!
Early in our relationship, I read an article on money management and marriage. The article went on to describe a woman who's husband had paid all the bills, managed their estate, and watched their accounts. The husband passed away, and the wife was left to handle everything. The problem was, she didn't know how! She didn't know any of their account information, she had no clue what they had stock in.
What I immediately realized was that I'm not going to be that little old lady one day. I want to be involved in money decisions, I want to know when and how to pay the electric bill. In our first month of marriage we created a spreadsheet with all our monthly costs/bills, listed the date they are due, and any important information regarding them. We also listed every debt we had, and how much we could budget towards paying them off as soon as possible. We now have a monthly ritual of sitting down together to pay our bills, and for that I'm thankful.
I think one of the biggest transitions in married life was the "Mine" vs. "Our's" thinking. It was now OUR Money, OUR house, OUR Car, OUR Debt. And yes we have a good chunk of debt thanks to students loans, but the fact that it's ours to tackle together is encouraging. We recently started Dave Ramsey's Snowball Plan to lower our debt. We're tackling our smallest debt amount first and working towards the top...together!
7. Divorce isn't ever an option
Even back when Kris & I started dating, we shared one common belief: Divorce isn't ever an option.
We both felt the pain of divorce in our families at some point, mine divorced when I went off to college, and Kris's parents were ready to finalize a divorce, but through the grace of God were able to work it out. They are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in September!
It's scary seeing the statistics that only 50% of marriages survive, and that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced themselves. It all comes down to recognizing that marriage is hard work. The devil hates to see God glorified in a marriage, so you'd better believe he's going to try his hardest to break apart what God has created.
I think that's about it for now, it's exciting looking towards the future & to know that God's got it all worked out for us! I'll leave you with a few pictures from around our place. Kris & I have created little things to help us remember our commitment to each other throughout the day. (Sadly, I cannot take any credit for these ideas, as I stole the ideas from Pinterest.)
Our "I Love You Because" frame.
We randomly write reasons why we love each other, it's always nice to know you're loved!
Our Wedding Guestbook (with the guests fingerprints)
This is hanging in our hallway as a reminder of everyone who stands behind us & holds
us accountable in our vows to each other.
Cheezy Pics
I admit this one is a little cheezy, but we each have an old picture of the two of us somewhere in our vehicles. I always find that it's a good reminder to say a little prayer for my hubby, wherever he may be.
Our Vows
We also have our vows written out, and hanging in the hallway. It's nice to go back
and re-read them every once in a while.
God Bless!
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